The Wonders of Transformers Wiki
by Clumsy Peg
Summary: Jazz found a new favorite website. Ironhide despises his description, Ratchet loves his, Optimus is in denial, everyone loves Bee, and for some reason Jazz keeps getting laughed at. Typical off-day on base. Pretty cracky.


**Crackfic time!**

**I haven't written a purely cracky fic in a long time. :D**

**Kinda goes off of Wonders of Youtube. The "last run-in with Jazz's internet interests" refers to that fic, but this can be read on its own with no problems.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or the Wiki. Both are too epic for someone like me to own. :/**

* * *

Ironhide narrowed his optics at Jazz, who was sniggering over something on a laptop across the room. The last run-in the Weapons Specialist had with Jazz's internet interests left him literally insane. He shook his head at the memory, wondering how he manages to put up with the saboteur. A light roll of thunder from an approaching storm added to the noise Ironhide had to put up with.

Suddenly Jazz's voice burst forth, unable to hold back his laughter any longer.

"HAHAAA! Ironhide's a Tooth Fairy!" Jazz laughed hysterically.

"What? I am no such thing!" Ironhide growled.

"Tell that to the internet, _Tooth Fairy_."

The Weapons Specialist stomped over and glared as he read the webpage…_Transformers Wiki_. "Who the slag wrote that? I need to know so I can obliterate them with my cannons!" Ironhide grunted.

"Easy there, _Tooth Fairy_. Don't get so worked up!" Jazz sniggered.

"Stop calling me that!" Ironhide snarled, reading further. "And why do they depict me as some brutal, trigger-happy machine?"

"That's because its _true_, Ironhide," Ratchet mentioned as he entered the room, and leaned over Jazz's shoulder to read the page. "I must say this is pretty accurate."

The medic kept up his smirk despite being shoved by the Weapons Specialist.

"Look at his puny little toys, with the tiny cannons!" Jazz said, grinning at the bottom of the page.

"These things do not give me justice! The cannons on these pathetic reproductions are terrible!" Ironhide replied, personally insulted by the quality of the toy's cannons.

Ratchet pointed to a picture on the screen. "Look at that one! You're blue!"

"What the slag? I'm a _black _truck, not blue! Not to mention that color makes me look more like that Sentinel jerk…" the Weapons Specialist huffed. "Find a different page, Jazz. I've had enough indignation for one day."

"Sure thing, _Sentinel_ _Tooth Fairy_!" Jazz snorted. This earned him a hard whack on the head.

"Hmm…who'll be the next victim…" the saboteur said thoughtfully.

"Pick on Ratchet." Now it was Ratchet's turn to shove Ironhide.

"Whatever you say, _Sentinel Tooth Fairy_!"

"Say that one more time, _munchkin_, and I will blow your _tiny_ aft out through that wall," Ironhide said dangerously.

"Woah, and you seriously wondered why they think you're so violent?" Jazz pouted, sour about the "tiny munchkin" remark. He pulled up Ratchet's page, still pouting slightly.

" Hm, lets see here…'Ratchet, the Autobots' medic, is probably the bravest of them all. He'll risk his life to pull any wounded comrade from the battlefield.' HA! Take that, Ironhide. Beats being a violent pixie any day," Ratchet said triumphantly after reading the very first line of his page.

Ironhide only glowered moodily. He was starting to hate the internet.

Ratchet and the others read further, the medic grinning smugly at his description and Jazz trying not to burst out laughing at the unhappy look on Ironhide's face.

"'…specialization isn't listed as being a medic, but in actually _getting_ to the wounded.' Damn straight that's my specialty!" The CMO crossed his arms over his chest happily and continued reading. "'…Ratchet is one of the few Autobots that could conceivably give Megatron a decent fight one-on-one…' Ha! Did yours say that, Ironhide?" Ratchet asked proudly.

"No, but I also didn't have 'before being dismembered and fed upon' in my description either," the Weapons Specialist retorted. "Not to mention however bad those miniature reproductions of me were, they at least _look_ like me. Yours are just freaky."

"But I have a toy cannon, and I'm the _medic_, not the Weapons Specialist!"

"Who needs a toy cannon when you have the real fragging thing?"

"But _I_ don't go trying to slag any human that gets in my way!"

"_You're_ the one who tried to point my cannon at the boy's parents!"

"At least I didn't break my ankle from landing in a _pool_."

"Your spot wasn't any better! 'Carefully chose your landing site to avoid loss of human life' my aft! You landed in the middle of a fragging city!"

"Okay, okay, I get it, guys. You both suck," Jazz said bluntly, breaking up their argument. "Now can we move on?"

Ratchet shared a look with Ironhide, then said, "Fine, but that means its your turn."

"Whaaa? No!"

"Aww, is the bitty mech scared?" Ironhide mocked.

Glowering again at the size reference, Jazz conceded and searched for himself.

"Primus, Jazz! You get your tiny aft into a lot of trouble, don't you?" Ratchet asked incredulously, after reading several accounts of how much doom he managed to get himself into.

"Will you two _stop_ with the size mocking?" Jazz asked, exasperated. It was the only thing that could really tick him off, and the two larger mechs were taking full advantage of it.

"What's the matter, Jazz? Not a _big_ enough mech to take a few jokes?" Ironhide asked. He received a high five from Ratchet.

Jazz shut his optics and focused on controlling his growing anger while Ratchet and Ironhide continued making fun of him.

"Ratchet, Ironhide, are you making fun of Jazz again?"

Optimus arrived, having heard a lot of commotion in the room.

"Maaayyybbbeeeee…"

Optimus sighed. "Give it a rest, you two."

"Yes, Optimus," Ratchet said, albeit a little sadly.

"What? They make a _Final Battle Jazz_?" the saboteur asked aloud with wide optics. "They make a toy, basically _celebrating_ my death! Does NO ONE like Jazz today?!?"

"At least it's not that accurate," Ratchet offered. "The upper and lower halves don't even separate!"

Even Optimus had to snicker slightly at this.

"_Who_ saved all your afts during the movie by taking on Megatron alone? _Hmmm_?" Jazz asked, pouting.

"Didn't do much but kill you, ya know," Ironhide commented.

"Maybe I wouldn't have died if the _medic_ had reached me, like he so proudly claims to do well," the silver mech growled, looking pointedly at Ratchet.

"I had to protect the boy."

"A human boy you haven't known for a week is worth more than someone you've known for _millennia_?"

"He had the All Spark. So, yes."

"Harsh, Ratch. That's harsh," Jazz sniffed.

"Oh, shut it. You're just angry you couldn't be in _Revenge of the Fallen_," Ratchet countered.

"Enough, you two," Optimus said, breaking up the argument. "I think we should be done with this for today."

"But we haven't gotten to you yet!" Ironhide said.

"Yeah! Let's see what they say about you, Optimus!" Jazz said happily, his semi-depressed mood vanishing instantly.

Before the commander could protest, his webpage was displayed.

"'…even at the cost of his life, his world, and, if necessary, his own people…' Primus, Optimus. You really _are_ a doormat," Jazz observed. "I thought I was the only one who thought you threw yourself into obviously impending doom to save a single life. But the rest of this planet knows we can basically walk all over you too."

"I do not let people--" Optimus started, but he was cut off by Ironhide.

"Yeah you do, Prime. Its really obvious."

"Seriously. Both movies were basically, 'Help me, Optimus!' and you said, 'Okay! I shall fling myself into this obviously impending doom to save your tiny lifespan at the risk of ending my own, which would bring utter devastation to the Autobot faction! But that's okay, because I'll just trust a twitchy human teenager to resurrect me with glory so I can save the day again and be praised for my sacrifice!'" Jazz added, nodding.

"I do not _fling_ myself into doom!" Optimus protested. He received three disbelieving looks.

"Does he really not see that?" Jazz asked, turning to look at Ironhide. The Weapons Specialist just shrugged.

"Denial," Ratchet stated simply.

"I'm not in denial!" Optimus almost yelled.

The medic nodded knowingly. "Yeah. Definitely denial."

The leader frowned slightly, but decided to keep silent.

"Anyway, on with reading…" Jazz said, scanning down the page.

"Ah! I remember that fight scene, right before you were 'killed' from your self-sacrificing complex," Ironhide mentioned, to a rather deadpan look from Optimus.

"Are we done yet?" the commander asked pointedly.

"Fine, we're done…" Jazz said. "We can skip over your toys too. There's too many of them anyway."

The four mechs turned as Bumblebee honked in greeting, bringing Sam with him.

The yellow mech transformed as the boy stepped out of his Camero.

"Hey, big guy!" Sam yelled, waving. "Ironhide, Ratchet, Jazz!"

The first three mechs returned Sam's greeting, while Jazz simply huffed and turned his back on the human.

Sam's smile faltered at the saboteur's strange actions. "What's with him?"

"Oh, don't mind him, Sam. He's just pouting," Ratchet answered him.

"About what?"

"What _isn't_ he pouting about is the better question," Ironhide sniggered. He was quickly cut off by a look from Optimus.

"So…what's up?" the human asked, shouting above the growing storm outside.

"Just looking through this website."

"Oooooh, _Transformers Wiki_! I love this site!" Sam exclaimed. "Don't they call Ironhide a _Tooth_ _Fairy_ or something?"

"And your point?" the Weapons Specialist growled in return, rotating his cannons threateningly.

"N-nothing…"

"You know who we haven't looked up yet?" Ratchet asked suddenly. "Bumblebee and Sam!"

Jazz immediately brought up their pages before the two newcomers could protest.

"Yeah…Bee…the whole radio song thing with Mikaela was really, _really_ embarrassing…" Sam commented. Bumblebee only shrugged at him.

"'The interrogation of Agent Simmons went nowhere, however, and Bumblebee became so annoyed with his attitude that he released lubricant onto the agent…' I gotta give you props for that one, Bee. That took some guts," Jazz said, reading. "Not to mention it was _totally_ hilarious!"

Optimus shook his head. "Don't encourage such behavior, Jazz," the leader reprimanded.

"Yeah, Jazz…I've always wondered about this. Why didn't you do a slagging thing to help when Starscream attacked Mission City?" Ironhide asked pointedly. "You just sat there while Bumblebee lost his legs!"

Ratchet cut in before Jazz could make a response. "Its because that's when he was told he was being killed by the director."

Jazz's reaction did nothing to disprove Ratchet's theory.

Reading further, Ratchet came across a great sentence. "'It was the best day ever. Well, maybe not for Jazz.'" Ironhide and Ratchet continued laughing at Jazz's expense. The saboteur just glowered even more, even more convinced that today was not a very Jazzy day.

"Ah, they don't have too much on you, Bumblebee. The general public likes you more than…_some_ mechs here," Ironhide said, skimming the rest of the article.

"Right, now let's see what Sam is like on here!" Jazz said, eager to change the subject of ridicule.

"W-what? Um, no guys, that's okay, I-I mean, I'm just a human, you know, a little fleshling compared to you guys, so of _course_ I won't have anything nearly as interesting…" Sam gave up his protest when he noticed no one was listening to him.

"Let's see…guilt tripping…lusting after girls…running around half naked…completely disorganized…extortionist…I really hope all humans aren't like you, Sam," Jazz said bluntly, raising an optic ridge at the boy.

"Um…harsh, man. Really, what's gotten into you today?" Sam asked.

Optimus knew this was going to get very out of hand. Something drastic had to be done about it, and so he left the main hangar unnoticed while everyone else was busy arguing something.

"But look what it says about you here!"

"That's no where near as bad as what it says about you!"

"Yeah, but--"

Suddenly, a very large crack of thunder shook the base as lightning danced across the sky, immediately followed by the power going out.

"What the…hey! Why'd the power go out?!?" Jazz cried.

"Probably caused by the storm, Jazz," Ratchet answered him, rolling his optics.

"_Now_ what will we do?"

While the group still in the main hangar was calmly discussing what to do next because their source of argument was currently unavailable, Optimus whistled innocently as he walked away from the base's generator, cannon suspiciously smoking.

* * *

**Hm, maybe Jazz should think twice about things like this. He ended up getting made fun of by everyone. Silly Jazzy. Karma will always come back to bite you!  
**

**Fourth wall? What fourth wall?**

**:D**

**Lame ending, I know. I've had issues getting good enough endings on my fics for a while. So again I'll ask that if anyone else comes up with a better ending, please let me know and I'll use it with your permission.**


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